In what can only be described at a poor attempt at before-and-after photography, allow me to show you only the after of my latest work of wife-appeasing carpentry.
Once upon a time when I'd dig up carrots or potatoes from the plot, I'd happily stroll them into the house wearing a self-satisfied smile - all the while oblivious to the trail of dirt that would lead through the garden, across the back room and into the kitchen. At first this wasn't a problem - because the carrots smelled so fresh. But I knew its appeal wouldn't last far beyond a few runs of the Dyson.
So, some time ago I picked up a kitchen sink off free-cycle. It sat maturing in a dusty corner of my man-cave while I contemplated some of the greater mysteries of life - waiting for the time when it would become apparent that fresh food wasn't going to offset the mess in the kitchen any longer. That day came in the form of being chased from the house with a dust pan and a barrage of bad language.
And so this is what a few sleepers and re-cycled fence wood can do for you. All in all, it would have been a day's work if your average power drill could drive in more than five screws for a six-hour charge.
I guess she'll now have to find something else to be annoyed about.